anal play: how to werk that booty with b-vibe's Alicia Sinclair Rosen

If face down, ass up is the way you like to fuck, you'll get off on our latest interview with certified sex educator, Alicia Sinclair Rosen, founder of COTR (Children of the Revolution), a sexy suite of sex toy brands including b-vibe anal playthings, nightstand fave Le Wand massager and The Cowgirl Sex Machine. We tapped Alicia's genius for all things butt stuff for newbies and pros, the curious and the timid, vaginas and penises, and everything in between. Studies show that nearly 3/4 of us have at least tried anal, with another half trying anal toys. Whether you're looking for your first anal orgasm or you need a new booty muse, read on for Alicia's tips, tricks and advice for all the butt play your sweet ass can handle. 

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You’ve talked a lot about pleasure being your birthright. How do weave this philosophy into everything you do as a sex educator and anal toy maker? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Well, first of all, one of the most important things specifically as a toy maker is understanding that the use of the product, everything from the exterior packaging to the actual physical item, is an experience… the way the words are placed on the box, the way that we inform customers of how it works, what they receive inside. I don't know if you've ever opened one of our products, but there's  a little unicorn sticker on all of them that says, “Anal is magic.” And there's a travel bag, and there's how-to guides. And I think all of that is woven into this more important overarching theme, which is shame-free, empowering and inclusive. And all of those things to me, because those are your birthright, pleasure is your birthright, but you've been taught otherwise, so making products feel really special, and promoting really positive use, and being really inclusive with the way that we speak about different body parts and telling people how to use the products, that’s all woven into the DNA of all of our product design.  

And you mentioned shame-free. Your approach seems to take out the taboo nature of anal toys themselves.

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah. It's intentional. It's a category that I think, even as a person who's been doing this for 20 years, I still have to sort of test the waters before I can really talk about what I do and how comfortable people are with the category, because there is tons of stigma. And I think there's just this inherent shame about all pleasure, but really I think butt stuff is that sort of next level. It’s sort of like your 201 course, if you're really enjoying pleasure and maybe you're experimenting with all your front stuff, then you move to your back stuff. A lot of times for many people it’s your next higher thing to try and achieve. So, definitely giving people the right tools to talk about it and also how to have it safely and pleasurable. Every one of our items has a guide that's included with it that tells people of all genders, how to start using products. What are the most important things, lube, consent, warm-up, all of that stuff. And I think that helps people. It gets them on their way. It's a roadmap to experiencing pleasure.

For women new to butt stuff, what are some ways to explore what they’ll like and not like…? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen:

So, I think the most important thing is to remember the golden rules of butt stuff, which are start slow, small and slippery. Those are the things that you always want to make sure of. Don't rush, your eyes can be bigger than your butt. So, make sure that you're accounting for that. And a good way to think about that is, like I always use the analogy of your fingers. And a lot of times when you go into a good retail store, that's how they'll talk to you as well. Like, "Okay, are you using one finger, two fingers, three fingers? Like what size feels comfortable for you?" And I think a lot of people their first time playing around with what stuff, they kind of forget that your butt is new territory and you need to take your time with it and give yourself lots of space to play. So, start small and lube, lube, lube, more lube. Go as slippery as possible and reapply. So, if you want to explore pleasure, those are the golden rules. You want to make sure that you're utilizing those. And then the other thing is, I always remind folks that you have to think about sex like food. You're going to go and try some really nice restaurants and you're not going to like the food there. And then you're going to go to different restaurants. It's a lot of trial and error. So, what I like to do is say, for the first time, use your fingers. Those are your first sex toy. They're free, they're attached to your body. It gives you the opportunity to be both the giver and the receiver. So, those are all really stand out for just experimenting at home in the shower, because lots of folks have stigma and shame around like poop. And that can be a big step to get over. So, use something you already have on hand, literally. And like in a place where you can easily clean up. And I think those are great places to start. And then start trying different toys because when you start to gain knowledge and experiment, you'll see that different toys are really built to stimulate different parts of your body. Your anal canal, your anal sphincter. And they create different experiences. Once you start to learn what your body responds to, then you can maybe graduate to toys that are designed more for that specific technique or place of your body that you like. For example, maybe you really like anal beads and that motion of going in and out and stimulating the anal sphincter is something you really love. So, you want to buy toys that have texture, you want to buy toys or things that allow movement, whereas something like a butt plug, which is meant to go in and stay in, maybe you like that feeling of fullness. Maybe you like that as a preparation tool for penetrative sex. Maybe you like a big dildo, maybe you like a small dildo, and you don't know any of those things until you try. And no one else can give you the answer to that. So, that's why I say it's like food, you really sort of have to take a bite of something before you know whether or not you like it.

I love the food analogy because it means we all have a palate for sex or for anal play. And everyone's palate is different. Some things work for you, some things don’t, regardless of what the experts say. 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah, exactly. Lots of people love sushi and other people hate it. There's no right or wrong, you know? 

How can we make anal pre-gaming (de-stressing, lubing…) a sexier part of foreplay because it’s not that inherently sexy? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

I did a podcast interview recently with two college-age girls and they were giggling and laughing — they just couldn't get through the idea of poop, and they didn't want their partners to see them putting in plugs. And I'm like, it's all about how we come mentally to it. And I think part of getting ourselves ready or pre-gaming is getting our minds ready, really kind of mentally getting into a place of what we're trying to achieve. What does this sexy experience equal to me? Is it feeling full? And, this is a big thing, is it kinky for me to play with anal sex? Does that make me feel a certain way? Like, do I feel slutty? Do I like that feeling? And I think sort of understanding what your need is, around it. What's going to make you most turned on? What's your fantasy, if you will. That, I think helps get your head in the game. It’s part of the pre-game to me, getting yourself in the mood, getting yourself in that state. 

And then you really have to be with a partner, if you're playing with one, where you can negotiate. And also consent can feel really sexy. Those words sound very businessy or not fun, but I think there's a way that you can really talk about it, like dirty talk. To me, you can make consent and negotiation like dirty talk, which is, "Would you like me to put my finger in your ass? Would you like two fingers? Am I going deep enough? Should I go deeper?" There's a way that we can make these conversations really sexy. And then the other stuff that's pre-gaming, which is, maybe having a dark towel underneath you, having a set of wipes nearby, having all your toys out cleaned if you're playing with them, and having your body ready, like enemas or internal rinses if that’s something that's important to you, then setting aside the time to do that at least an hour before your anal play experience so that when you're ready for the action to start, you're mentally prepared. You understand how you're going to negotiate. Your body is physically prepared and you have all of your tools ready. 

And I love how you described the consent part as being part of dirty talk. If you're doing it together and you both understand the rules of engagement, the things that you might think are embarrassing really aren't. It's just part of the act. 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah. And it can be so sexy to invite somebody into your mind space. So much of sex is silent. We just kind of like perform and we hear noises, but I think some of the most interesting, or like most sold-out classes that we do, are dirty talk. And I think that's just really interesting. We do want to communicate with each other and we do want it to be sexy. So, I think that's like just investing in learning how to do more of that.  

And by the way, why would we have so many brilliant nerve receptors in our asses if we're just supposed to do nothing about it?  

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Seriously. I know. It happens to have as many as the clitoris and the same as the head of the penis. So, here you have this completely unique area and a whole new way to play. You have not just one tasty thing to enjoy, now you have two. 

So speaking of newness, what sorts of new lubes, toys or de-stressors (weed?) can help you relax and prep for anal play?  

Alicia Sinclair Rosen:

If you're looking specifically for stuff that combines like cannabis and lubes there's a brand called Foria, which does have a lubricant that includes cannabis and then also they have a suppository which can be used with vaginally and anally, which can be nice specifically for aftercare. I think it melts and it's really enjoyable. So, those are two things that have recently come into the marketplace that are really fun.

I think my old school things that I would go to, even though they're not like new, flavored lubes are a really great enhancement for anal play. Especially if you're doing any type of oral play or you're really specifically worried about poop because that kind of element of taste and smell a lot of times, some of them have a sweet flavor. And that can alleviate concerns around taste, which we get a lot especially for regular oral play if you're participating in cunnilingus or fellatio. So that is one of my go-to things — flavored lube can be a really good friend. 

And I like, especially for de stressing, a massage with a wand-style vibrator. I think those have the really awesome element of being great for muscle fatigue and relaxation, and also being a pretty much universal pleasure tool. It feels good on just about every body. So, you can massage the buttocks, you can massage those meaty cheeks and sort of loosen up the area and play with the perineum. There's so many ways that you can massage and loosen up that area especially because I think people forget to play with the front stuff when they're experimenting with anal play. And when you have so much pleasure in the clitoris and the head of the penis, those areas tend to get ignored. So massaging those areas and making sure that those areas are warmed up, too. All the blood flow is going to circulate down there and that's going to make all of the pleasure stuff included in your butt feel better. So those would be my go-to. Play with the outside before going inside, set a stage, have music, candles, a sexy outfit, silky sheets, whatever turns you on, get all those things going and then play with some tools.

What’s interesting is that it seems that one of the biggest problems that people have in the bedroom boredom and this is a whole new world for a lot of people. 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah. And it's all novelty. Like you said, it's that boring thing that happens. We've all been in that relationship or maybe a lot of us have, where it's like, okay, what now? And the cool thing I like about butt stuff is that there's not just one giver or receiver, it's an equal opportunity orifice. You can really go back and forth between experimenting with somebody else's butt and letting somebody experiment with your butt. There's a lot of room in there and there’s so many ways to play. There's massage, there's rimming, there's toys like so many toys, penetration, there's really a lot of opportunity.

What are some of the new or off-the-radar anal toys that you’re most excited about and why?

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah. The first one is, I absolutely love stainless steel sex toys. When I went into a retail store and I'd been in the adult market as a sales rep for about 10 years. And I said to the retail associate, "I've tried everything. What can I try?" And she was like, "Well, have you ever tried stainless steel?" And I thought, no what is that? And it seems like a very unapproachable item. I don't know if you've ever played with them, but the way that they're designed, the hardness, but also the weight, and the opportunities for temperature play, you can heat them up, you can cool them down. They last forever. And they're just so well designed that they really feel incredible with a very small amount of effort. So, I think we have a couple on our website, but they're great. Again, it's a universal choice. So whether you have a penis or a vagina, prostate or no prostate, it feels really excellent. And the weight is something that's pretty unique. And I think it gets ignored. People don't talk about it because it's not a mechanical mechanism, but weight really feels incredible inside your body.   

It just looks sooo cold. 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

You can definitely warm it in water. To me, it's like this kind of elevated playing-with-a-popsicle experience. It's really fun. Delicious. And the other one, which is one of my go-to’s, b-vibe doesn't make one, but this company that I like called Oxballs makes it. It's called the Finger Fuck Glove. And you can honestly use it any way you want, but each of the five fingers has a different texture on it. So, those are really fun to put inside the butt and play with if you like texture, or if you're a person that likes anal beads or likes motion going in and out, those are really fun to play with. I think they're excellent for warm-up. And if you're playing with someone who has a vagina, they can be used sort of as a double penetration, which is really fun, like where one finger in the vagina. To me, those are a really delicious item. Not terribly expensive and it can be really be used in a ton of different ways. 

If we look anal being the new oral, how can we approach anal play with the same creativity that we approach oral? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Well, for me, what came to mind is learning new techniques. When I think about my experiences with oral play and the way people respond to oral play, there's a lot of blow job classes, there's a lot of how-to guides on how to stimulate the clitoris. And I think all of those really teach you different ways to play and then you also add an enhancement. You add vibrators, you add lubricants, maybe you add a penis ring in some cases. So, think about anal play in that same way, let me learn some new techniques. How can I enhance these experiences? I think those are my go-to answers for people who are looking to maybe get creative with it. 

For veterans/pros of anal play, what are some new/different ways we can safely explore, stretch boundaries with ourselves and/or partners? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah. This is a question speaking to somebody who's experienced. Maybe they've played with lots of toys, they understand what type of stimulation they like. They may or may not want to go larger. Like a lot of people would recommend, "Okay, go larger." But that's not always the answer because some bodies are perfectly happy with something the size of a finger. And they just want to play with different things in that size range. So, I would say that if playing with larger toys isn't where you're going, then different types of toys. Expanding your pleasure tools. You could try something like fisting, that's always a next level. If that's something that you're interested in and big toys are of interest to you in general. And then I think something that you can explore is playing with different roles. So, being a top and a bottom that's a new and different way to experience safely with a different partner or your same partner. And that can be really intimate and really revealing, you're just playing someone's butt for the first time. Letting them play with yours.  

Talking anal orgasms, what tips do you have for accessing the most sensitive areas for both climaxing and also just experiencing pleasure?

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Experimentation is always going to be key because I'm going to give you some answers, but I want to just with the caveat that everybody is different. If you have a clitoris and a vagina, then you know that some people experience orgasm from external play, some from internal, some from a combination. So butt stuff is the same. If you're looking to access the most sensitive areas, my go-to answers like where those areas are, your anal sphincter that gets completely ignored, your butt hole, if you will, which has tons and tons of sensitive nerve endings. It's very strong yet sensitive. And there's lots of ways to play with that. Again, fingers, the glove, anything that has texture, anal beads, a rimming plug. Like that's what we created our rimming plug for, quite honestly, was to stimulate that through the movement of rotation. 

So, I think that's going to be a universal one. I would say everyone has a butt hole. Most people have a butt hole. And then the prostate, that's what they refer to as the penis owners’ G-spot. And essentially that's going to be located if you think about putting fingers inside a butt hole and curling up towards the belly button or down towards the belly button, whatever position you're in. It's going to be almost located where the G-spot is in the vaginal panel. So kind of that same place but through the butt. And that can be accessed most easily either by fingers or tools that are designed with a curve very specifically to reach that area. 

And then for someone who has a vagina, you're probably going to experience the most pleasure from simulating spots inside the vaginal canal. So, those are going to be in the internal clitoris, what we refer to as A spot and the G spot. And you're going to most easily hit those through pressure and fullness. So putting something inside the anal canal and sort of pressing in towards the vaginal canal, that's how you're going to be able to stimulate the internal clitoris. And some people even report that they can experience more pleasure that way. Some people really enjoy the sensation of their anal sphincter being stimulated, having fullness, maybe you're putting a vibrator on the clitoris at the same time. That is a really powerful orgasm. Somebody once told me, I can't remember what educator, but they told me that a lot of the nerve endings around the spinal cord are down there and I don't know if it's 100% accurate, but it made sense to me when they said it. And I was like, yeah there's just so much going on in that area when you press up and in, you're really like accessing all these special areas.  

How can we use anal play to heighten other orgasms (vaginal, clitoral, etc.)? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

It's just about layering in another pleasure zone. So, I would say this is like if you think about playing with nipples. So, you're layering in another erogenous zone in your body and that's just heightening the experience. You're bringing blood flow and sensation. Specifically if you have a vagina or a clitoris, putting a butt plug in applies pressure and also stimulates the anal sphincter. So that feels really great. 

What does anal play open up for us in terms of new levels of pleasure? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Well, I believe we touched on it. It is a new source of pleasure. And as I said from the earlier answer, it allows you to layer in pleasure. So, if you're a receiver specifically you have another area in your body where you can put things, and touch things, and stimulate things. And also I want to say that you might also not like anal play and that's okay too. But for those of us who do like experiment with it and find that it gives us a new way to play and adds more onto that sex menu that we were talking about earlier. 

Do you think that people become more confident because it’s just kind of owning another aspect of your sexual self? 

Alicia Sinclair Rosen: 

Yeah. I think when you give yourself permission to play with your body, you become more intimate with a partner. I think that does hopefully. If you've had a positive experience, you gain more confidence and that makes you feel more empowered to try something else or to talk more openly about what you liked or didn't like, and maybe to go to a deeper level of intimacy with your partner. 

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